Three fools

One day three children went to a herbalist,"we want a charm that will help us to write our Examination, said the children. The herbalist agreed! But the taboo in the charm i want to give you is that while going you must not talk to one another till you get home."

OK! said the children. When they left the herbalist's house, they took a taxi going to Abeokuta. On their way going,one of the girls stepped on another girl and the girl replied: can't you see that you are matching my toes?" the other girl said: have you forgotten that the herbalist said we should not talk?" then the third girl said: Thank God 0o, i did not talk.

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Gay man in church

So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday. As the offering basket is passed, he drops in a big wad of bills.

When the basket gets back to the minister, he notices the wad of money and announces: "Someone here was very generous in the offering today. I would like to ask the person who gave this large amount of money to please stand."

The gay man stood up.

The minister continued, "Well, sir, we certainly do appreciate your generosity. And to show our appreciation, I'm going to let you select your three favorite hymns."

"Okay," the gay man replied, "I'll take him, him and him!"

Stop vs slowdown

A Lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...........

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign "
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, thats the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."

Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."
At this point, the Deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer and says: "DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP OR JUST SLOW DOWN?"

Teaching the parrots

A lady approaches her priest and says, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquires.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"

"That's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"Thank you!" the woman responds.

The next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"

Costly mistake

I was working as a senior secretary at a small accounting firm when one day my boss realized that a costly mistake had been made on a client's financial statement. It had already been mailed out, and my boss was expecting the client to call in an uproar as soon as the mistake was discovered. He was in a quandary as to how to explain the error. Although it was his fault, I magnanimously told him: "Well, why don't you blame it on me? That way the client won't be as upset with you." "No, that won't work," he said. "That's what I always tell them."

JAPANESE PIZZA PEPPORONI

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip. He hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place where he can get a pizza.


The concierge tells him he will call for delivery to his room and takes his order.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up. The businessman takes the pizza and starts sneezing uncontrollably.

He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "Just what you ordered -- pepper only."

The good old days

Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular to his grandson.

"When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!"

Grandson, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."

First Day at Duty

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was

sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.

Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone,

told the airman to enter, then said into the phone,

"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message.

In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

 

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man,

he asked, "What do you want?"

 

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."