School teacher message to parents

An elementary school teacher sends this note to
All parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school,
I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

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Talker

Teacher: "Ramu, you talk a lot !"
Ramu: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Ramu: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher: "What about your mother?"
Ramu: "She's a woman".

Written test

Rob and Tom apply for the same job. They take a written test. “You both got the same number of questions wrong,” the HR person tells them, “but Rob gets the job.”

“If we both got the same number of questions wrong, how come he gets the job?” Tom asks indignantly.

“Well,” says the HR person, “one of his incorrect answers was better than yours.”

“Whoa, how can that be?”

“For problem No. 46, Rob wrote, ‘I don’t know.’ You wrote, ‘Me neither.’”

Smart fish

Q: Why are fish so smart?

A: Because they live in schools.

Concise creative writing

A university creative writing class is asked to write essays containing these four elements: religion, royalty, seexx and mystery.

The prize-winning essay reads: "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

Science class

Little Johnny was in science class. the professor was conducting an experiment to show the dangers of liquor. he had one glass of water and one glass of wine. so the professor starts the experiment and he sticks one worm in the water.. and its floating and looks happy. he sticks the other worm in the wine and it looks like it is struggling to breathe and then it sinks to the bottom and it is dead. so the professor asks" what was this suppose to teach you children" no one raises their hand to answer but the little Johnny raises his hand and says "drink liquor and you wont get worms"

Law school for nuns

What do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?

A sister-in-law.

Church Joke

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."