Paranormal Phenomena

A peculiarly scary thing was happening in a hospital's ICU. Every Sunday, with unfailing regularity, patients on bed number 5 died at 11 AM.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. To investigate the cause of such bizarre incidents, the doctors and nurses decide to keep strict vigilance.

A few minutes before 11 AM, the part time Sunday sweeper arrived. Whistling cheerfully, he unplugged the life support system of bed nnumber 5 and put the plug of his vacuum cleaner in it place!

 

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Coma Patient

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's  name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.

Regularity

Woman: I have a problem.

Doctor: Well, are you regular?

Woman: Yes I am. Every day I do a number one at 7:30 in the morning and a number two at 8:30.

Doctor: So, what's the problem?

Woman: I don't get up untill 9:30.

Medical samples

An old man and his wife went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked the man for a blood, urine and feces sample.

The man was slightly deaf and said, "What?"

The doctor said, "I need a blood, urine and feces sample."

The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear, "Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear."

Eating right

A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril.

He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well."

The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."

 

Tampax

His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?”
“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.
“Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do with that?”
“Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s sure worth two dollars.
With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to.”

Poor Husband Joke

 Sally walked in to the Dentist office to make an appointment. “How much do you charge to pull out a tooth?” She asked.” “It’s $130″, was the prompt reply. “$130!” gasped Sally, that’s ridiculous! There must be a way for you to go cheaper.” “Well,” said the Dentist thoughtfully, I suppose if we don’t numb it, we could knock off $30.” “Only $30?,” countered Sally, “that’s still $100, you’ve got to make it cheaper.” “Well,” said the Dentist after a long pause, “I suppose if we take it out with a wrench we could knock it down to $50.” “Perfect”, said Sally happily. “I would like to make an appointment for next Tuesday, for my husband Jack.”


 

Time Left

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "Give it to me straight, Doc. How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"
"Nine..."

Category: Doctor Jokes