Funny Poems
Something Gross at the Grocery Store
Something's gross,
At the grocery store,
I don’t know what it can be...
It’s green, it’s slimy,
It sorta’ rotten,
It’s grosser than gross,
You’ll see...
Somethings' gross,
At the grocery store,
Nobody knows what it is...
It wiggles it wobbles,
It jiggles it joggles,
It’s dripping disgusting fruit fizz...
Something's gross,
At the grocery store,
I hope they clean it up soon...
It’s moving it’s spreading,
It’s creeping it’s crawling,
It’s shriveling up like a prune...
Something's gross,
At the grocery store,
I think I know what I’ll do...
I’m doing my shopping,
In a store that’s not gross,
I suggest you go shopping there too...
Feeding the Dog
I gave my dog some peanut butter,
Bread and blue grape juice,
A garbage truck with junk inside,
A toy that had no use...
I heard that dogs eat anything,
And I just had to see...
He ate a shirt,
He ate my pants,
He almost ate up me!
I put some books in front of dog,
To see if he could read,
He ate those books,
With a grin,
He's a special breed...
I put a pen in front of dog,
To see if he could write,
He chewed and chewed that little pen,
From morning to the night...
Next day he scratched,
And scratched,
And scratched,
Scratched too much for me,
I got some new flea powder,
To chase away the fleas...
He ate the white flea powder,
He licked it nice and clean,
Although his tongue got kind of white,
No fleas are ever seen...
I gave my dog some dog food,
He stared at me with fear,
The food is sitting in his bowl,
Its almost been a year...
Mother Cooked My Footballs
Sunday night at dinner,
My mom got really mad,
I wouldn't eat her re-fried mud,
It tasted pretty bad...
Monday night at dinner,
My father lost his cool,
I wouldn't eat his broccoli cake,
It went agaist his rule...
Tuesday night at dinner,
My mom got so irate,
I wouldn't eat the pickled prunes,
I left them on my plate...
Wednesday night at dinner,
My dad was so enraged,
I didn't eat his fungus food,
He tried to have me caged!!!
Thursday night at dinner,
My mom was angry so,
She cooked my two best footballs,
They taste like moldy dough...
A Maths Poem
Is it a decimal or is it a fraction,
Should I divide or use subtraction?
Can anyone tell me what is this shape,
Do we use a ruler or maybe a tape?
One hundred centimetres make one metre,
How many millilitres to a litre?
Push the buttons on a calculator,
Teacher shouts ‘Use your brains!’ – you’ll need them later.
Three times six, find the factor,
(But not using a protractor)
Turned fifty
Today I turned fifty.
I feel really good.
My body’s still working quite well, thanks. (Touch wood).
My hair’s not too grey, my wrinkles are few, I can still touch my toes with my knuckles. (Can you?)
I’m quite full of vigour, just getting ripe. (But they now print the phone book in much smaller type.)
My hearing’s still good.
What’s that you say?
Speak clearly, don’t mumble, your voice wafts away.
Inside this old body I’m still young, but then if life starts at forty, I’m really just ten.
Birthday belated wishes
A birthday belated, I know you have waited.
Has it been another year?
My apologies are sincere.
When I realized I forgot, my old stomach formed a knot.
Our adventures came to mind, and your deeds that are so kind.
Hope you had the greatest time, entertained by a funny mime.
A belated birthday wish with the most delicious dish.
Dare Devil
I was a dare devil,
I always raised the level,
I got bruises and scars,
But that didn't stop me from going bizarre
I would jump and skate,
But it wasn't my fate,
I have to find something else to do,
Before I don't have a clue
A worm in my pocket
One rainy day on my way home from school,
I found a big worm and thought it was cool.
I picked up the worm with my bare hand,
held it up high thinking how grand!
The worm was so cute and wiggled a lot,
I put him in my pocket to show Mom what I'd caught.
What will she say when I show her my find?
Will she let me keep it? I hope she won't mind.
Mom was in the kitchen when I showed her what I'd found.
She screamed, "No, way! Put it back in the ground!"
Now I'm so angry, she always says "No",
If she won't let me keep it, then I will just go!
So me and my worm packed a sandwich or two,
ran out the door and down the street we both flew.
We walked to the park and sat on a bench,
I pulled out my worm and noticed a stench.
He looked kind of floppy, but wiggled a bit,
I thought, "Oh my Gosh, my worm is not fit!"
I laid him in the dirt and let him go free.
I guess that my pocket was not the best place to be.
