Jokes

Phone to school

Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

Computer

Girl- which computer do u have?
Boy- I have a computer with intel core i7
processor at 3.3 ghz, windows 7, 64 bit, 8gb ram
& nvidia gtx 560 graphics card B-)
Boy- which computer do YOU have???
Girl- A PINK ONE !!
Wht to say nw...

Microsoft product

Teacher: Tell me the name of any Microsoft Product?
Bunty: MS Excel
Lucky: MS Word
Bittu: MS Powerpoint
Pappu after thinking a lot, “MS Dhoni”!

Post box

Teacher to students: can anyone tell a word which has more than 1000 letters in it?
Sam suddenly stands up and said “postbox”!

 

Fruit salad

Teacher: if you had 12 apples, 10 oranges, 5 pineapples, 15 strawberries, what would you have?
Student: A yummy fruit salad, Ma’am!

Formula for Water

TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : “HIJKLMNO” !!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it’s H to O !

Exam

Mother to Johnny: “how was your exam, is all questions difficult?”
Johnny: “No mom, all the questions were simple, It was the answers which gave me all the trouble”!

Alphabet

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".
Paul: I is the...

Teacher: No, Paul . You must say "I am" not "I is."
John: All right.  I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Right and wrong

Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.

"All right children, let's take an example," Mrs Cameron said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, "You'd be his wife."

Time

Santa and Banta were studying late night. Their watch was not working.
Santa: What is the time? Banta picks up a stone and throws it to the gate of neighbour's house. A lady from neighbour's house shouted: You fools, it is 3 'o clock. Why don't you sleep?

A second language

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!”

The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language

 

A person on his death bed

A person on his death bed (in Mumbai at Hospita) with Wife, Kids and Nurse beside him.

Man to Eldest son : You take the 15 Bungalows at Borivali.

To daughter : You take the 8 bungalows at Juhu.

To youngest son : You are my youngest and most dearest and I want your future to be bright, so you keep the 20 offices at Nariman Point.

To wife : Dear Kavita, you keep all 11 of our Lokhandwala building flats.

Nurse - quite impressed -
To wife : wow...You are lucky to have such a husband who is so rich and giving you all the properties etc.

Wife: What properties, what rich ... he's distributing out responsibilities of delivring Milk to his clients in the morning

 

Befooled

Once Banta went to Bombay. While passing through a road he saw a very high building. He was amazed to see it, and decided to count its stories. As he was doing so a townsman saw him and tried to befool him.

So he approached Banta and asked, “What are you doing?”

When he told the answer, the townsman said that one had to pay two rupees for every storey counted.

“How many have you counted?”

Banta said ten and gave the man twenty rupees. Walking away Banta was very happy to think how he has befooled the other man for he had counted twenty.

 

Watch less T.V

While visiting Santa’s house, Banta noticed that he had replaced his usual TV with a smaller model.

Thinking that perhaps the larger set has broken down, Banta asked why the small one was there.

“Oh,” Santa replied, “I have decided to watch less T.V.”

Dead men dont bleed

Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive.His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work.

Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don’t bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don’t bleed.

“Do you now agree that dead men don’t bleed?” the doctor asked.

“Yes, I do,” Banta replied.

“Very well, then,” the doctor said.

He took out a pin and pricked the patient’s finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, “What does that tell you?”

“Oh my goodness!” Banta exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger … “Dead men do bleed!!”

The railway station

Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station.

He asks one man, “When will Rajdhani Express go from here”?

Man Replies, 12.30.

“When will Punjab Express go from here”?

Man Replies, 10.30.

“When will Deccan Queen go from here”?

Man Replies, 12.30.

Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.

Sardar replies, “NO. I only want to cross the tracks

Crazy bus driver

A woman got on a bus but soon regretted it. The driver sped down the street, zigzagging across the lanes, breaking nearly every rule of the road. Unable to take it any longer, the woman stepped forward, her voice shaking as she spoke. “I am so afraid of riding with you, I don’t know what to do.” “Do what I do,” said the bus driver. “Close your eyes!”

Mosquitos beer

A woman walked into the kitchen and found her husband walking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” she asked. “Hunting mosquitoes,” He responded. “Oh, catching any?” She asked. “Yep, two males, two females,” He replied. Intrigued, she asked, “How can you tell?” He responded, “Two were on a beer can, two were on the phone.”

Moving out

A woman walked into the pet shop and told the owner she needed a rat and a couple of cockroaches. “What do you need them for?” “Because,” said the woman, “I’m moving and my lease says that when I move out I must leave the place in the same condition as I found it!”

Telephone

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.

"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"

"Wrong number," replied the girl.