Jokes

Nice cheeks

Santa's wife, Jeeto, got into a terrible car accident. Her face was burned terribly. The doctors couldn't use any skin on her body to graft onto her face for reconstructive surgery.
As a result, Santa offered the skin off his butt for the surgery. She had the surgery and was as beautiful after as she was before the surgery.
One night Jeeto and Santa were watching TV when she broke down crying.
"What's the matter?" Santa asked.
Jeeto said "I can't believe you did this for me."
Santa hugged her and replied, "Don't worry about it, I love you, and I'd do anything for you."
But how will I ever repay you?" she asked.
To which Santa replied, "You don't need to repay me... you wouldn't believe the satisfaction I get every time I see your mom kiss you on the cheek."

Loving wife

Santa had been out for a few days due to ill health. At work Banta asked him how he was feeling?
"I'm better, thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience." he replied.
"Wonderful? How can the cold and fever be wonderful?" Banta asked Santa in stunned disbelief.
"Well, I learned that my wife, Jeeto, really loves me. You know that whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, she ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying 'My husband is home! My husband is home!'"

 

Fussy Wife

Banta had been arrested and was now up before the judge.

The judge asks, "Do you admit you broke into the same clothes shop 3 times?"

"Yes," replies Banta.

"Could you please tell the court what you stole." asks the judge.

"I stole a dress, your honour," replies Banta.

"Just one dress? But you admitted to breaking in 3 times," says the judge.

"Yes I did, your honour," says Banta, "but on two of those occasions, I broke in to return the dress I took before."

"Return the dress? Why? I don't understand," says the judge.

"Because my wife Preeto didn't like the design, your honour."

Womans ears

Banta lost both ears in an accident. No plastic surgeon could offer him a solution. He heard of a very good one in Mumbai, and went to him.
The new surgeon examined him, thought a while, and said, " Yes, I can put you right."
After the operation, bandages off, stitches out, he goes to his hotel.
The morning after, in a rage, he calls his surgeon, and yells, "You bastard, you gave me a woman`s ears."
"Well, an ear is an ear, it makes no difference whether it is a man`s or a woman`s."
"You`re wrong, I hear everything, but I don`t understand a thing!"

Santa complains

Santa heard his son reciting his homework:
"Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch...`" "Shut up !" shouted furoius Santa. "Watch your language! You`re not allowed to use the swearwords".
"But, Dad," replied the boy, "that`s what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Santa went right into the classroom to complain.
"Oh, heavens !" said the teacher. "That`s not what I taught them. They`re supposed to say, `Two plus two, the sum of which is four.` "

Bank Robbers

Santa and Banta decided to rob a bank but during the process of the robbery they mess it up, but they do managing to escape with two sacks that they find on the floor.

They do manage to take one sack each.

After a while they meet again and one asks the other...

Santa: What did you find in your sack?

Banta: Ten lakh Rupees!

Santa: Wow... that's a lot of money!' What did you do with the cash?

Banta: I bought a house. How about your sack?

Santa: It was full of bills.

Banta: And what did you do with them?

Santa: Eh, well... little by little, I'm paying them off...

 

Download

Wife to Husband :-

You don’t Love me at all….

Husband points towards their 2 Children and says –
then do u think I’ve downloaded these from Google?

Math

Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.

Comparsion of love

love is like a forest where brave tigers are killed by the beautiful eyes of deers...

Pillow

You can hug it when you're in trouble
You can cry on it when you're in pain
You can embrace it when you're happy
So when you need true love
Buy a pillow

 

Just a smile

Way to impress girl: Respect her, honor her, love her, protect her, care 4 her, obey her, sacrifice 4 her.
How to impress a boy? Just smile once ..

New style of proposing love

I have spent many sleepless nights in your love and I don’t want my son to do the same for your daughter… so lets make them brother and sister.

Heart attack message

Double heart attack message by a girl to a boy: 1st SMS: Let`s break up now, it`s all over. 2nd SMS: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry! That was not for you.

Pay the bill

I want u …
To be with me In a nice Restaurent
To have candle light dinner…. &
to say those sweet three words to U….
“Pay The Bill”

Relationship status

Girl : I Love you
Boy : (Starts Running)...............!

Girl : (Running after him) ...Why are u Running?
Boy : To update my Relationship status on Facebook

Courtship

A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years—accumulating all his words—before approaching his beloved.

Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, “My darling,

I have waited many years to say this: Will you marry me?”

The princess turns around, smiles, and says, “Pardon?”

Question paper in year 2050

Question Paper in year 2050:
1. Name the cities of Pakistan where Electricity is found.
2. How does Sugar taste? Explain in your Own words.
3. Draw a Neat and Labeled Diagram of a Suicide Jacket.
4. In Ancient Times, What was Petrol Used for? Support your answer with examples

A boy called FM radio & said

A boy called FM radio & said: I’ve found a purse with Rs.15000/- a credit card & an ID card of Mr.Ram new road, Kathmandu. Radio Jockey: How honest so you want to return his purse? Boy: no.. I just wanted to dedicate a sad song for him.

A Boy texts a girl

A Boy texts a girl
Boy: Hey!
Girl: Hi! What u doing?
Boy: texting the most beautiful girl in the world.
Girl: Aww How cute!
Boy: Ya! But She is not replying, so m texting U! :D

An Egyptian girl asked an Indian boy

An EGYPTIAN girl asked an INDIAN boy:
What can u do for me?

The boy replied:
come behind the PYRAMID.
I will make u MUMMY.An EGYPTIAN girl asked an INDIAN boy:
What can u do for me?

The boy replied:
come behind the PYRAMID.
I will make u MUMMY.