Jokes

Jokes

Umbrella

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."

Category: School Jokes

Tampax

His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?”
“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.
“Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do with that?”
“Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s sure worth two dollars.
With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to.”

Category: Doctor Jokes

Church Service

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Category: School Jokes

Hate me

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

Category: School Jokes

Coma Patient

A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's  name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.

Category: Doctor Jokes

Neighbour

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

Category: Funny Jokes

Drink Glass of water

Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.

Category: Doctor Jokes

Bank Account

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

 

Category: Funny Jokes