Who Is She?

Her eyes are like diamonds that are shiny and bright
Her hair is so soft and black as the night
Her legs are long and her body is slender
When you hold her close she is warm and tender

Hiding amongst the shadows so tall
Looking much closer she's not there at all
Always in trouble with her curious way
She stays out all night and sleeps in all day

Creeps into your room and sits up on your bed
Gives gentle kisses on your nose and your head
Always expects you to open the door
There isn't a sound as she walks on the floor

She will not come over when you call
Walks straight past as if you're not there at all
If you want to work she wants to play
Doesn't care if you forget her birthday

Is she your wife or is she your lover
Is she a friend or is she your mother
She is none of those things I can tell you that
This beautiful creature is only the cat

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I taught my cat to clean my room

I taught my cat to clean my room,
to use a bucket, brush and broom,
to dust my clock and picture frames,
and pick up all my toys and games.

He puts my pants and shirts away,
and makes my bed, and I would say
it seems to me it's only fair
he puts away my underwear.

In fact, I think he's got it made.
I'm not as happy with our trade.
He may pick up my shoes and socks,
but I clean out his litterbox.

 

Something Gross at the Grocery Store

Something's gross,
At the grocery store,
I don’t know what it can be...
It’s green, it’s slimy,
It sorta’ rotten,
It’s grosser than gross,
You’ll see...
Somethings' gross,
At the grocery store,
Nobody knows what it is...
It wiggles it wobbles,
It jiggles it joggles,
It’s dripping disgusting fruit fizz...
Something's gross,
At the grocery store,
I hope they clean it up soon...
It’s moving it’s spreading,
It’s creeping it’s crawling,
It’s shriveling up like a prune...
Something's gross,
At the grocery store,
I think I know what I’ll do...
I’m doing my shopping,
In a store that’s not gross,
I suggest you go shopping there too...

Dare Devil

I was a dare devil,
I always raised the level,
I got bruises and scars,
But that didn't stop me from going bizarre

I would jump and skate,
But it wasn't my fate,
I have to find something else to do,
Before I don't have a clue

April fools day

Mackenzie put a whoopie cushion
on the teacher's chair.
Makayla told the teacher
that a bug was in her hair.

Alyssa brought an apple
with a purple gummy worm
and gave it to the teacher
just to see if she would squirm.

Elijah left a piece of plastic
dog doo on the floor,
and Vincent put some plastic vomit
in the teacher's drawer.

Amanda put a goldfish
in the teacher's drinking glass.
These April Fool's Day pranks
are ones that you could use in class.

Before you go and try them, though,
there's something I should mention:
The teacher wasn't fooling
when she put us in detention.

A Maths Poem

Is it a decimal or is it a fraction,
Should I divide or use subtraction?

Can anyone tell me what is this shape,
Do we use a ruler or maybe a tape?

One hundred centimetres make one metre,
How many millilitres to a litre?

Push the buttons on a calculator,
Teacher shouts ‘Use your brains!’ – you’ll need them later.

Three times six, find the factor,
(But not using a protractor)

 

My puppy likes the water

My puppy likes the water.
My puppy likes to swim.
I've never seen a puppy
who swims as much as him.

He swims not on the surface,
but only underneath.
And maybe I should warn you,
he has very scary teeth.

Whenever people see him
they're frightened of his grin.
Or maybe it's his lack of fur.
Or maybe it's his fin.

If you should buy a puppy,
just get the kind that barks.
Don't be like me. I bought mine
at a store that just sells sharks.

Category: Funny Poems