"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?”
“Huge hands, sir.”
Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they live in schools.
Big people words
A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.
"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."
She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."
Ten million dollars
The Old Professor poses the following problem to one of his classes:
“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his daughter,
one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his brother, and the rest to his wife. Now,
what does each get?”
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Paul raises his hand and says, “A
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green, however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire truck red. After seeing this, the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have you see a red duck?" Young Bobby replied with "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."
Law school for nuns
What do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?