Soldier to General

Soldier to General: Sir! A small enemy group is attacking..

General: Quickly bring me my red shirt..

"After Enemies Defeat"

Soldier: Sir why the red shirt?

General: In red shirt if i got shot, my soldiers would'nt see my blood so they wont b discouraged..

Soldier: Sir 100 enemy tanks are attacking..

General: Hurry up! Bring me My Yellow Trousers...

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Group therapy

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy with four young mothers.
"You all have obsessions.",The doctor observed.

To the 1st mother, he said,
"You are obsessed with eating. You've even named you're daughter 'Candy'."

He looks to the 2nd mother saying,
"Your obsession is with money.
Again, It manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He looks to the third mother 'n says,
"Your obsession is alcohol.
This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point,
The 4th mother Gets up,
Takes her little boy by the hand 'n says to him, "Come on, Dick, We're leaving!"

Girls before and after finding her Love

Girl before finding her Love:
He should love me more & more everyday
He should never let me sad
He should always understand me
He should be perfect !!

After finding her boyfriend:
So what if he is not loving me unconditional, I understand & love him anyway
So what if he is sometimes makes me sad, that is ok, still he is the best for me!
So what if he is not fully understanding me, I will understand him
So what if he is not perfect, I am not perfect too! :) :)

Investment

Santa invested 2 Lakhs in a business and suffered huge Losses.
Do u know what the business was?
He opened a Saloon in Punjab!

A Wife Hit Her Husband

A Wife Hit Her Husband With Frying Pan:
Husband: What was that for?
Wife: I found a paper in your Pocket, with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I played a Race last week and Jenny was the name of my Horse.
Wife: Sorry!
Next day, Wife again hit him with the Frying Pan.
Husband: Why?
Wife: Your Horse is on the Phone.

Finance Minister

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly
& prayed for weeks but nothing happened.

Finally he decided to write God a letter, requesting Rs.50.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God,
they decided to forward it to the Finance Minister of Pakistan as a joke.

The Finance Minister was so amused,
that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20, thinking this would appear to be alot of money to a little boy & he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20
& decided to write a thank you note to God.

Which Read:

"Dear God, thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the Finance Minister in Islamabad & those bloody donkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes!"

Difference between Complete n Finished

No English Dictionary Has Been Able To Explain
The Difference Between The Two Words COMPLETE And FINISHED,

In A Way That's Easy To Understand.
Some People Say
There Is No Difference Between COMPLETE & FINISHED.

I Beg To Differ Because,
There Is : When You Marry The Right Woman,
You Are "COMPLETE"...
And
When You Marry The Wrong One,
You Are "FINISHED"!
And
When The Right One Catches You With The Wrong One,
You Are ..."COMPLETELY FINISHED" !

 

Girl Was Yelling in the Church

Girl was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: Oh God! Please make Moscow the Capital of China!
The priest inquired: Why must you pray so, my child?
Girl:That's what I have written in my answer sheet in the examination!

Category: Funny Sms