Sniffer dog

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador retriever between them.
The first man asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a sniffing dog.
"His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is," he said. "I'll show you once we get airborne when I put him to work."

The plane took off, and once it had leveled out, the agent said, "Watch this." He told Sniffer to "search."
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm. The agent said, "Good boy." He turned to the other man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number. The authorities will apprehend her when we land."

"Say, that's pretty neat," replied the first man. Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to his seat and placed two paws on the agent's arm. The agent said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police."

The agent then told Sniffer to search again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent. He jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place. The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn't figure out why a well-trained dog would act like that, so he asked the agent, "What's going on?"

The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb!"

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Heaven and Hell with an engineer

 An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is admitted. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and, as is the wont for engineers, starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks, "So how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flushing toilets and working escalators, and there's no telling what an engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

 

 

Honour trial

Trial Lawyer to Witness: Is it true that you accepted $25,000 as bribe money? (a moment of silence) Judge: Witness, please answer the question. Witness: I'm sorry, Your Honour, I thought he was asking you.

Late Gag

One day Lion summoned all the other animals in the jungle. "Each of you must tell a joke," he said. "But if anyone fails to laugh, I'll kill the person who told it. Monkey, you go first." Monkey began "Two men go into a bar . . ." When he delivered the punchline, everyone roared with laughter, except Tortoise. So Lion pounced on Monkey and killed him. Next up was Elephant. He told his joke and, again, everyone laughed except Tortoise. So Lion pounced on Elephant and kille him. The animals were furious with Tortoise, but no-one dared to move. Tiger began his joke, but when he was about one sentence in, Tortoise suddenly rolled over and began kicking his feet in the air, giggling his head off. "What's wrong with you" roared an irate Lion. "Tiger isn't even finished with his gag yet!" "I'm sorry," said Tortoise, gasping between laughs, "but Monkey's joke was simply too funny!"

ID Ten error

 I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard , the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, to come over. Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”

“It was an ID ten T error,” he replied.

I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, “An, ID ten T error? What’s that … uh … in case I need to fix it again?”

Richard grinned … “Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”

“No,” I replied.

“Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.”

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T …..

 

An idiot customer

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn’t they just throw out the pest.

“Oh I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

A person on his death bed

A person on his death bed (in Mumbai at Hospita) with Wife, Kids and Nurse beside him.

Man to Eldest son : You take the 15 Bungalows at Borivali.

To daughter : You take the 8 bungalows at Juhu.

To youngest son : You are my youngest and most dearest and I want your future to be bright, so you keep the 20 offices at Nariman Point.

To wife : Dear Kavita, you keep all 11 of our Lokhandwala building flats.

Nurse - quite impressed -
To wife : wow...You are lucky to have such a husband who is so rich and giving you all the properties etc.

Wife: What properties, what rich ... he's distributing out responsibilities of delivring Milk to his clients in the morning

 

Mother Teresa

God greets Mother Teresa at the Pearly Gates. "Art thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asks God. "I could eat," Mother Teresa replies.

So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread, and they share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa happens to look down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and fine wines! Curious, but deeply trusting, Mother Teresa remains quiet.

The next day God again invites Mother Teresa to join him for a meal. Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Again, looking down, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates. Still Mother Teresa says nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened! Mother Teresa cannot contain herself.

She says: "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious and holy life I led. But here in Heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! Forgive me, O God, but I just don't understand..."

God sighs. "Well, to be honest, Mother Teresa," God says, "....for just two people, does it pay to cook?"

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