Shadey Git

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.

They then get to meet their maker and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line the last guy in the line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:

"Make 'em all ugly again".

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Why is the driver scared?

 A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

 

BRAKE FLUID ADDICTION

A mechanic noticed his co-worker drinking brake fluid at lunch.


"What are you doing, man? You can't drink that stuff!"

"Relax," replied his co-worker, "this stuff tastes pretty good, and I don't drink it all the time."

"Seriously," the mechanic exclaimed, "that brake fluid is poison!"

"Hey, man" yelled the co-worker, "back off! I can stop any time I want." 

Elderly punjabi

An elderly Punjabi admitted to the intensive care department of a hospital requested that he has taken lessons in French. The doctor was puzzled and asked him why?

“Well, French is the language of heaven,” he sighed. “I want to be able to communicate with everyone in heaven if I die.”

“But how are you so sure that you will end up in heaven? You might go to hell. What good will French do you then?” asked the doctor.

“That will no problem. I am fluent in Punjabi.”

 

College Donation

 Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. 

Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. 

Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. 

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. 

Frank is outraged by his friends act of generosity. 

"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank., "You know hes only going to use it on drugs or booze." 

 

Three fools

One day three children went to a herbalist,"we want a charm that will help us to write our Examination, said the children. The herbalist agreed! But the taboo in the charm i want to give you is that while going you must not talk to one another till you get home."

OK! said the children. When they left the herbalist's house, they took a taxi going to Abeokuta. On their way going,one of the girls stepped on another girl and the girl replied: can't you see that you are matching my toes?" the other girl said: have you forgotten that the herbalist said we should not talk?" then the third girl said: Thank God 0o, i did not talk.

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A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither one of them is hurt.

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The man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely."

The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, "Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune."

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

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BEAUTIFUL?

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

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Category: Funny Jokes