Santa Singh and Matches for Cigarette

Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the match box, but it didn’t light.

He tried another, It didn’t light either. The third one finally lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.
What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?” asked the another man

Santa replied,
“That’s a lucky match stick. I’ll use it again.”

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The railway station

Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station.

He asks one man, “When will Rajdhani Express go from here”?

Man Replies, 12.30.

“When will Punjab Express go from here”?

Man Replies, 10.30.

“When will Deccan Queen go from here”?

Man Replies, 12.30.

Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.

Sardar replies, “NO. I only want to cross the tracks

Signature forgery

Santa lost his cheque booklet.

He decided to go to the bank after two days to report.

The Bank manager said to him, "But I warned you to be very careful with your cheque book because anyone can forge your signature."

Santa replied, "I am not a fool Sir, I have signed all the cheques already, so, they won't have space to forge my signature!"

The Genius MS Santa

Microsoft, as usual in short of good software professional, places an ad in all world famous news papers for a single position who would be in charge of their next operating system Windows2000. This becomes scary news as the ad says interview would be conducted by Mr. Bill Gates. Microsoft receives only three applications as the outcome, from an American, Japanese and an Indian (of course you guessed it right, no one other than Santa). They are all invited to Microsoft HQ in Seattle for the interview.
Bill gates says, "I will ask you only one question and your answer should decide your fate".
All of them prepared to face Mr. Gates eagerly wait for the question.
Bill asks, "How do we achieve Windows2000 from Windows98?"
American & Japanese are puzzled and think over it and our guy Santa smiling and dancing in his chair says "balle balle" in mind.
After a while American answers, "Fix bugs in Windows98 for smooth transitions"
Bill shouts, "Get out of here...". The poor guy runs out.
The Japanese says, "Make Windows2000 more user friendly than Windows98".
Bill Gates screams, "get the hell out of here....".
Gates looks at Santa.
Santa giggles and says: "Rename Windows98, Windows2000".
Gates says "Balle, Balle, You got the job."

Santa complains

Santa heard his son reciting his homework:
"Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch...`" "Shut up !" shouted furoius Santa. "Watch your language! You`re not allowed to use the swearwords".
"But, Dad," replied the boy, "that`s what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Santa went right into the classroom to complain.
"Oh, heavens !" said the teacher. "That`s not what I taught them. They`re supposed to say, `Two plus two, the sum of which is four.` "

Bon Appetit

Santa was spending some of his hard-earned cash on a luxury cruise and was given a table

with a Frenchman.

At their first meal together, the Frenchman said, "Bon appetit!"

Before the next meal commenced the performance was repeated.

"Bon appetit," said the Frenchman.

"Santa Ji," replied Santa.

After this had happened at every meal for three days, Santa was getting fed up, and told a fellow traveller about it.

"He tells me his name is Bon Appetit and I tell him my name is Santa, and then at the next meal, we start all over again."

The fellow traveller laughed and explained to Santa that the Frenchman was not introducing himself and that 'Bon appetit' meant "Good appetite", or "I hope that you enjoy your meal!"

Santa breathed a sigh of relief on receiving this information. Next morning, at breakfast,

Santa greeted the Frenchman, "Bon appetite."

The Frenchman nodded politely and said, "Santa Ji."

Time

Santa and Banta were studying late night. Their watch was not working.
Santa: What is the time? Banta picks up a stone and throws it to the gate of neighbour's house. A lady from neighbour's house shouted: You fools, it is 3 'o clock. Why don't you sleep?

Insulting mother in law

When Santa came home, his wife, Jeeto, was crying.
"Your mother insulted me," Jeeto sobbed.
"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the country?" Santa asked.
"I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious."
"And?"
"At the end of the letter it said, 'Dear Jeeto, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son.'"