Right and wrong

Mrs Cameron, a primary teacher, was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong.

"All right children, let's take an example," Mrs Cameron said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?"

Little Tony raises his hand, and with a confident smile says, "You'd be his wife."

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Past tense

A teacher says "OK, class. Today we're going to be talking about the tenses. If I say 'I'm beautiful,' what tense am I using?"
A boy raises his hand and says, "Obviously the past tense, Miss."

Bathroom

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!

Phone to school

Pupil (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

Big people words

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."

She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."

Half a Day

Teacher announced that “students, we will have only half a day of school in this morning.
All the students said “Yeahh”
Then the teacher said “We will have the other half this afternoon”!

 

Homework

“Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding

out her hand.
“My dog ate it,” was his solemn response.
“Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear it is,” insisted Johnny. “I had to smear it with honey,

but I finally got him to eat it.”

 

School teacher message to parents

An elementary school teacher sends this note to
All parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school,
I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

Category: School Jokes