Out of control

“The president will come to town…”
“The price of beans is coming down…”

“I’ll love you till the end of time…”
“But shooting ducks should be a crime…”

“We’ve never had a better sale…”
“We’ll have to break them out of jail…”

“The Pope arrived to lead the prayers…”
“The Dallas Cowboys beat the Bears…”

“The temperature is three below…”
“These vitamins will help you grow…”

What’s going on? Well, bless my soul!
Baby’s got the remote control.


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The Dentist

I have some bad news,"
Said the dentist to me,
"You've got not just one...

Not two...

And not three...

You've got four teeth,

That I need to remove,
To pull from your mouth,
I'm sure mom will approve..."
"NOOOO!" I screamed,
"You won't get not one!

I need all my teeth,
Like a tree needs the sun.

You won't get one tooth,
From out of my head,
I'll keep my mouth closed,
From now until bed!!!"
The dentist just smiled,
"We do have our way,
To get a kid's teeth,
Anytime of the day!"

So there in the chair,
I closed my mouth tight,
And stared down that dentist.
I'd put up a fight...
He took out a machine,
That had a pink feather,

And it tickled my face,
Like misty cool weather...
I started to laugh,
And when my mouth opened wide,
That man grabbed my tooth,
And pulled it outside...
"Ouch!" I yelled,
With a pain in my gum,
You mean, mean, mean dentist,
You aren't my chum!
He got one,

But that's all,
He wouldn't get more,
And I slammed my mouth closed,
Like the wind slams a door.
But then the cruel Dentist,
Brought out a machine,
With jaws of its own,
And he laughed really mean...
And the machine tried to pry,
My jaws by the bones!
But I wouldn't let in,
I wouldn't let it get home..
I kept my mouth shut,
Like a door locked at night,

I wouldn't open it up,
I wasn't losing this fight!
I protected my teeth,
Like a dog does its food,

Have my teeth pulled?
No thanks- Not in the mood!
He called in the nurse,
And she started to say,
I wasn't leaving the office,

Until the doc got his way...
"No way!" I cried,
"I'm outta this chair,"
But the nurse said I'd better,
Just stay right there.
I tried to get up,
I tried to escape,
But the nurse held me down,
She was strong like an ape...

The dentist then asked me,
To say just one "Ahhh.."
I laughed,
Closed my eyes,
And just said one, "Hah!"
The dentist got mad,
Mad in a fury.
I was sitting on trial,
And he was the jury...

The judge,

The jailer,

The master of mean,

Then he went out,
And brought another machine...
"This one is made,"
He said,
"For kids just like you,
I only have one,

But I wish I had two!"

I saw the machine with its pincer type tool,

And I screamed out my loudest,
"You must think I'm a fool!!! "
And then I wished,
And I hoped,
And I pleaded above,
To be out of that chair,
That I just didn't love...
I wished so hard,
That it soon became true,
And I was home in my pyjamas,
Which were furry and blue...
Was it a dream? I asked,
As I lay in my bed,
And began to count how many teeth,
I still had in my head...

I taught my cat to clean my room

I taught my cat to clean my room,
to use a bucket, brush and broom,
to dust my clock and picture frames,
and pick up all my toys and games.

He puts my pants and shirts away,
and makes my bed, and I would say
it seems to me it's only fair
he puts away my underwear.

In fact, I think he's got it made.
I'm not as happy with our trade.
He may pick up my shoes and socks,
but I clean out his litterbox.


April fools day

Mackenzie put a whoopie cushion
on the teacher's chair.
Makayla told the teacher
that a bug was in her hair.

Alyssa brought an apple
with a purple gummy worm
and gave it to the teacher
just to see if she would squirm.

Elijah left a piece of plastic
dog doo on the floor,
and Vincent put some plastic vomit
in the teacher's drawer.

Amanda put a goldfish
in the teacher's drinking glass.
These April Fool's Day pranks
are ones that you could use in class.

Before you go and try them, though,
there's something I should mention:
The teacher wasn't fooling
when she put us in detention.

Mother Cooked My Footballs

Sunday night at dinner,
My mom got really mad,
I wouldn't eat her re-fried mud,
It tasted pretty bad...

Monday night at dinner,
My father lost his cool,
I wouldn't eat his broccoli cake,
It went agaist his rule...

Tuesday night at dinner,
My mom got so irate,
I wouldn't eat the pickled prunes,
I left them on my plate...

Wednesday night at dinner,
My dad was so enraged,
I didn't eat his fungus food,
He tried to have me caged!!!

Thursday night at dinner,
My mom was angry so,
She cooked my two best footballs,
They taste like moldy dough...

The Thanksgivings Turkey

The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air,
it knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom,
then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor,
there was turkey attached to the ceiling,
where there'd never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance,
It smeared every saucer and bowl,
there wasn't a way I could stop it,
that turkey was out of control.

I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure,
and thought with chagrin as I mopped,
that I'd never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.

A Maths Poem

Is it a decimal or is it a fraction,
Should I divide or use subtraction?

Can anyone tell me what is this shape,
Do we use a ruler or maybe a tape?

One hundred centimetres make one metre,
How many millilitres to a litre?

Push the buttons on a calculator,
Teacher shouts ‘Use your brains!’ – you’ll need them later.

Three times six, find the factor,
(But not using a protractor)


Feeding the Dog

I gave my dog some peanut butter,

Bread and blue grape juice,

A garbage truck with junk inside,
A toy that had no use...
I heard that dogs eat anything,
And I just had to see...
He ate a shirt,

He ate my pants,

He almost ate up me!
I put some books in front of dog,
To see if he could read,

He ate those books,
With a grin,
He's a special breed...

I put a pen in front of dog,
To see if he could write,

He chewed and chewed that little pen,
From morning to the night...
Next day he scratched,
And scratched,
And scratched,
Scratched too much for me,
I got some new flea powder,
To chase away the fleas...
He ate the white flea powder,
He licked it nice and clean,
Although his tongue got kind of white,
No fleas are ever seen...
I gave my dog some dog food,

He stared at me with fear,
The food is sitting in his bowl,
Its almost been a year...