Negotiating a trip home

Bob had been shopping downtown all day with his wife and four little children. They were all so tired, he decided to take a taxicab home.

Approaching a cab driver, he demanded, “How much will you charge to drive us to the Bronx?”

“I figure $5 apiece for you and your wife,” said the driver. “I’ll take the four kids along for nothing.”

Bob turned to his children and said, “Jump in kids, and have a nice ride home. Momma and I will take the subway.”

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Sick humour

Mother comes home from a business trip and asks her little son,. 'Well, Johnny, how did you get along with father while I was away?'
'Everything was fine, mum,' the little boy says. 'Daddy took me to the middle of the lake by boat every morning and I swam home alone.'
'Wasn't it too much for you to swim?'
'Oh, no, mum, the only problem was that I had to get out of the bag first.'

Disney Trip

A family took a trip to Disney World. After three exhausting days, they headed home. As they drove away, the son waved and said, “Goodbye, Mickey.”

The daughter waved and said, “Goodbye, Minnie.”

The husband waved, rather weakly, and said, “Goodbye, Money.”

 

Carelessness

The housemaid, tidying the stairs the morning after a reception, found lying there one of the solid silver teaspoons. "My goodness gracious!" she exclaimed, as she retrieved the piece of silver. "Someone of the company had a hole in his pocket."

Football fan

A man walks into a bar with a dog on a lead. The dog is wearing an England shirt. The barman nods and asks what he wants. 'A pint, please,' the man replies. He sets the dog down and starts watching the game on TV. When the local team score a goal, the dog goes jerking and dancing round the bar and doing back flips.
'Wow,' the barman says, clearly impressed. 'What does he do when we win?'
'I don't know, I've only had him for five years,' the man replies.

Special day

Over breakfast, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.”

“Of course I do,” he answered, as if offended, and left for the office.

At 10:00 a.m., a dozen red roses arrived at the house. At 1:00 p.m., a two-pound box of chocolates was delivered. The designer dress arrived at 3:00.

When her husband came home, the woman ran to meet him and threw her arms around his neck, “I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”.

Tough Account

Jones applied to a collections agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job.

Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us."

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