Mr Johnson and his secretary are on a train

Mr.Johnson and his secretary are on a train to Paris. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who has the hots for her boss says in a seductive voice, I'm a little cold, could I borrow your blanket? The man says how would you like to be Mrs. Johnson for awhile? The secretary jumps at the chance and begins to get out of bed. Then he replies, good, then you can get your own damn blanket.

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20% of Americans believe that winning the lottery is the most practical way to acquire several thousand dollars

In reality, you are more likely to be struck by lightning. 

It's amazing what 20% of Americans will believe. Another 20% of Americans believes that sun revolves around Earth. Even more than 20% didn't know that the United States gained its independence from Britain.

PRINCETON, NJ -- Thanks to the Internet and other trappings of the Information Age, facts and figures now come cheaper and faster than ever before. But where does that leave good, old-fashioned general knowledge, the kind people carry around in their heads?

A new Gallup poll includes three questions that tap Americans' level of general knowledge. Overall, most Americans did well, answering these questions correctly.

In anticipation of Independence Day, Americans were asked if they could identify the specific historical event celebrated on July 4th. Fifty-five percent say it commemorates the signing of the Declaration of Independence (this is a common misconception, and close to being accurate; July 4th is actually the date in 1776 when the Continental Congress approved the Declaration, which was officially signed on August 2nd.) Another 32% give a more general answer, saying that July 4th celebrates Independence Day.

When Americans are asked to identify the country from which America gained its independence, 76% correctly name Great Britain. A handful, 2%, think America's freedom was won from France, 3% mention some other country (including Russia, China, and Mexico, among others named), while 19% are unsure.

Groups that have higher degrees of self-reported patriotism (see Gallup's Fourth of July release), such as older people and whites, are also more likely to correctly name the country from which America gained its independence. Only 66% of those aged 18-29 know that America gained its independence from England, compared to 79% of those aged 30 and older. The knowledge gap is even wider on the basis of gender and race:

  • 85% of men compared to only 69% of women know that America's freedom was won from England
  • 80% of whites vs. 54% of blacks answered correctly

Four out of Five Americans Know Earth Revolves Around Sun
Probing a more universal measure of knowledge, Gallup also asked the following basic science question, which has been used to indicate the level of public knowledge in two European countries in recent years: "As far as you know, does the earth revolve around the sun or does the sun revolve around the earth?" In the new poll, about four out of five Americans (79%) correctly respond that the earth revolves around the sun, while 18% say it is the other way around. These results are comparable to those found in Germany when a similar question was asked there in 1996; in response to that poll, 74% of Germans gave the correct answer, while 16% thought the sun revolved around the earth, and 10% said they didn't know. When the question was asked in Great Britain that same year, 67% answered correctly, 19% answered incorrectly, and 14% didn't know.

The results below are based on telephone interviews with a randomly selected national sample of 1,016 adults, 18 years and older, conducted June 25-27, 1999. For results based on this sample, one can say with 95 percent confidence that the maximum error attributable to sampling and other random effects is plus or minus 3 percentage points. In addition to sampling error, question wording and practical difficulties in conducting surveys can introduce error or bias into the findings of public opinion polls.

As far as you know, what specific historical event is celebrated on July 4th?

Signing of the Declaration of Independence/day it was signed
55%

Independence Day
32

Birth of United States
1

Other
6

No opinion
6

 
100%

As far as you know, from what country did America gain its independence following the Revolutionary War?

England/Great Britain/United Kingdom
76%

France
2

Other
3

No opinion
19

 
100%

As far as you know, does the earth revolve around the sun, or does the sun revolve around the earth?

Earth revolves around the sun
79%

Sun revolves around the earth
18

No opinion
3

 
100%

Source: http://www.gallup.com/poll/3742/new-poll-gauges-americans-general-knowledge-levels.aspx

Never Ask a Gunny!!!

 A young Marine officer was in a serious car accident, but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears, which were amputated.


Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Marine and actually rose to the rank of General. He was, however very sensitive about his appearance.

One day the General was interviewing three Marines for his personal aide.

The first was an aviator, and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" The young officer answered," why yes, sir. I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears." The general got very angry at the lack of tact and threw him out.

The second interview was with a female Lieutenant, and she was even better. The General asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" She replied, "Well, sir, you have no ears." The General threw her out also. 

The third interview was with a Marine Gunny. He was articulate, looked extremely sharp and seemed to know more than the two officers combined (surprise). The General wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" To his surprise the Gunny said, "Yes sir; you wear contacts lenses." The General was very impressed and thought, what an incredibly observant Gunny, and he didn't mention my ears.

"And how do you know that I wear contacts?" The General asked. The sharp-witted Gunny replied, "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears."

Late to class

One girl comes late to class.

Professor : Why r u late?
Girl : One boy was following me sir boy following girl

Professor : So,what?
Girl : That boy was walking very slowly.

An Egyptian girl asked an Indian boy

An EGYPTIAN girl asked an INDIAN boy:
What can u do for me?

The boy replied:
come behind the PYRAMID.
I will make u MUMMY.An EGYPTIAN girl asked an INDIAN boy:
What can u do for me?

The boy replied:
come behind the PYRAMID.
I will make u MUMMY.

Police man and the broom

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say,..." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Mail

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

Three people argue

An economist, a philosopher, a biologist, and an architect were were arguing about what was God's real profession. The philosopher said, "Well, first and foremost, God is a philosopher because he created the principles by which man is to live." "Ridiculous!" said the biologist "Before that, God created man and woman and all living things so clearly he was a biologist." 

"Wrong," said the architect. "Before that, he created the heavens and the earth. Before the earth, there was only complete confusion and chaos!" "Well," said the economist, "where do you think the chaos came from?"

Category: Joke