Money

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

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Children

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

Marriage

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

Facebook addict

I'm not addicted to facebook! You know, I just use it whenever I have time. Lunch time, break time, bed time, off time, that time, this time, any time, all the time!

Mistake

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

Comparsion of elder and younger

"Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains."

Liars

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

Men

Men are like puppies, adorable, then you take them home and they crap over everything you ever treasured.

Category: Funny Quotes