Mistake

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

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Friendship

Your friendship means so much to me that... When you cry, I cry. When you laugh, I laugh. When you jump out a window, I laugh some more.

Honors on head

"The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, they finish by loading honors on your head."

50 50 proposition

A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: 1 - Women, 2 - Fractions.

Slut

I can't decide this Halloween whether to go as a slutty witch, a slutty nurse, a slutty schoolgirl, or just a total slut...

 

Beer

Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up!

Delusion

"When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."

Three stages

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

Category: Funny Quotes