Innocent Daughter

A girl was crying bitterly. Mom: What happened dear? Daughter: Mom do I look like a wicked witch? Mom: No! Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad? Mom: No! Daughter: Is my nose flat? Mom: No baby! Daughter: Am I fat like a bulldog? Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a barbie doll! Daughter: Then why people tell me that you look like your mom?

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Its Time

Even though he could not tell time, my three-year-old grandson was playing with a wall clock when I visited.

Later, when I was putting on my coat to leave, I asked him what time it was. He looked at the clock blankly, then brightened.

“It’s time for you to go,” he answered triumphantly.

Be quite at church

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “and why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

Little Johnny replied, “Because we must not disturb people while sleeping.”

 

A little boys prayer

"Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."

English lesson

During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.

Teacher:Pappu, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.

Pappu: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.

Children amusement park

While on a field trip to an amusement park, the teacher lost his wallet. Gathering the group together, he told the kids, ” My wallet had $500 in it. I will give a $25 reward to anyone who finds it.” A voice from the back of the group chimed in, “And I’ll give $50!”

On the river

One Sunday, little David is with his parents on a boat on the river Thames. His dad asks him, “What do you think sea monsters eat, David?”
“I don’t know, dad.”
“Fish and ships.”

 

A lesson in government

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad making love with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of shit!''

Category: Jokes for Kids