Group therapy

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy with four young mothers.
"You all have obsessions.",The doctor observed.

To the 1st mother, he said,
"You are obsessed with eating. You've even named you're daughter 'Candy'."

He looks to the 2nd mother saying,
"Your obsession is with money.
Again, It manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He looks to the third mother 'n says,
"Your obsession is alcohol.
This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point,
The 4th mother Gets up,
Takes her little boy by the hand 'n says to him, "Come on, Dick, We're leaving!"

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Leaking

Professor Banta asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

Cookies for after the funeral

There was a very old man who was lying upstairs, dying.
Little jackie came in and said "Hi Grandpa"
"Hi little sweetie" he said. "tell me, are those Grandmas extra special cookies I smell?"
"Yes" Jackie replied.
"Do you think you can sneak downstairs and get a couple for me?"
"Sure" Jackie replied
In a few minutes, Little Jackie came back with a frown on his face.
Grandpa asked, "What's wrong?"
"Grandma would not let me have any; she says they are for after the funeral.
:) :) :)

 

Law of Telephone

LAW OF TELEPHONE:
When u dial a wrong number,u never get a busy tone.

LAW OF WORKSHOP:
Any tool when dropped, will roll to least accessible corner.

LAW OF TRAFFIC:
If u change lane, the one u were in will start moving faster.

LAW OF ENCOUNTER:
Probability of meeting someone u know increases when u r with someone u don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF LOGICAL ARGUMENT:
Anything is possible if u don't know what u r talking about...

Train Ticket

In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please! 
Saint: I don't have. 
TT: Where do you want to go? 
Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya! 
TT: Come, lets go! 
Saint: Where? 
TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.  

Which one is yours

Never believe in 3 people:
Sagittarius, Aries, Pisces
They are the most selfish and mean. :/

Never lose 3 people:
Taurus, Cancer, Capricorn
They are the most sincere and true lovers..

Never share with 3 people:
Virgo, Libra, Scorpio
They can never keep secrets and cheat people by crocodile tears :/

Never reject 3 people:
Leo, Gemini, Aquarius
They are true,honest friends and never think bad for any one..?
which one is yours???? :D

 

Brilliant answers

Brilliant answers by the student who got 0%?

1)In which battle did Tippu sultan die?
A-In his last battle!

2)Where was the declaration of independence signed?
A-At the bottom of the page.

3)What's the main reason 4 divorce?
A-Marriage.

4)Ganga flows in which state?
A-Liquid state.

5)when was Mahatma Gandhi born?
A-On his birthday.

6) How will u distribute 8 mangoes among 6 people?
A-By preparing mango shake.!!

Girls before and after finding her Love

Girl before finding her Love:
He should love me more & more everyday
He should never let me sad
He should always understand me
He should be perfect !!

After finding her boyfriend:
So what if he is not loving me unconditional, I understand & love him anyway
So what if he is sometimes makes me sad, that is ok, still he is the best for me!
So what if he is not fully understanding me, I will understand him
So what if he is not perfect, I am not perfect too! :) :)

Category: Funny Sms