Dream at night

Teacher: Last night I had a dream that I ate a huge marshmallow.

Student: And what happened next?

Teacher: I woke up in the morning and found my pillow gone!!!

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Law school for nuns

What do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?

A sister-in-law.

Past tense

A teacher says "OK, class. Today we're going to be talking about the tenses. If I say 'I'm beautiful,' what tense am I using?"
A boy raises his hand and says, "Obviously the past tense, Miss."

Late to class

One girl comes late to class.

Professor : Why r u late?
Girl : One boy was following me sir boy following girl

Professor : So,what?
Girl : That boy was walking very slowly.

Self portrait

The art teacher instructed her students to do a self portrait. When Andrew handed his picture in, the teacher took one look at it and said, “But, Andrew,this isn’t you.” “That’s right,” replied Andrew. “It’s a self portrait of someone else.”

Big people words

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."

She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."

Maths

"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?”
“Huge hands, sir.”

Homework

“Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding

out her hand.
“My dog ate it,” was his solemn response.
“Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear it is,” insisted Johnny. “I had to smear it with honey,

but I finally got him to eat it.”