Dont have anything

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, “Do you have any small note-books?”

“Sorry,” says the manager. “We’re all out.”

The woman shrugs, and asks, “Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?”

“Nope, don’t have that either,” says the manager.

The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, “Do you have Doritos? Nachos?”

The manager shrugs, “Sorry. Don’t have that.”

“My God!” the woman shouts, “If you don’t have anything, you should close the store!”

The manager shrugs, “Don’t have the key.

 

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BAD DRIVERS

There's a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, ''Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!''

Herman says, ''I know, but there isn't just one, there are hundreds!''

Late Gag

One day Lion summoned all the other animals in the jungle. "Each of you must tell a joke," he said. "But if anyone fails to laugh, I'll kill the person who told it. Monkey, you go first." Monkey began "Two men go into a bar . . ." When he delivered the punchline, everyone roared with laughter, except Tortoise. So Lion pounced on Monkey and killed him. Next up was Elephant. He told his joke and, again, everyone laughed except Tortoise. So Lion pounced on Elephant and kille him. The animals were furious with Tortoise, but no-one dared to move. Tiger began his joke, but when he was about one sentence in, Tortoise suddenly rolled over and began kicking his feet in the air, giggling his head off. "What's wrong with you" roared an irate Lion. "Tiger isn't even finished with his gag yet!" "I'm sorry," said Tortoise, gasping between laughs, "but Monkey's joke was simply too funny!"

Hotmail account

Banta singh opens up an hotmail account

Letter to Mr.Bill Gates from Banta singh

Dear Mr Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears. We face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.

I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

An Airliner

 At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.

With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

 

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Shadey Git

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.

They then get to meet their maker and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line the last guy in the line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:

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How to make a horse work

An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.

The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.

Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move.

Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't move.

Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny just stood.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull."

Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.

The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."

 

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