Man: How old is your father? Boy: He is eight years old. Man: What? Boy: Because he became father when I was born eight years ago.
A blonde was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2000 feet, he said she was still doing well.
Right before she got to 3000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground. The instructor ran to where she crash landed and pulled her out of the helicopter. "What went wrong?"
The blonde said, "At 2500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."
Mrs. Peterson went to the doctor: “I’m terribly worried about my boy. He thinks he’s a chicken.”
The doctor asked, “And how long has this been going on?”
“Almost a year,” Mrs. Peterson replied.
“Well for goodness sakes! Why didn’t you bring him to see me sooner?”
“Because we needed the eggs!”
So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday. As the offering basket is passed, he drops in a big wad of bills.
When the basket gets back to the minister, he notices the wad of money and announces: "Someone here was very generous in the offering today. I would like to ask the person who gave this large amount of money to please stand."
The gay man stood up.
The minister continued, "Well, sir, we certainly do appreciate your generosity. And to show our appreciation, I'm going to let you select your three favorite hymns."
"Okay," the gay man replied, "I'll take him, him and him!"
Bobby walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hmm?"
Bobby says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!"
The bartender congratulates him and proceeds to pour the round.
Monday evening arrives and Bobby comes back into the bar and says, "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"
The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!"
Bobby looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says, "You mean they'll PAY me too?"
A person on his death bed (in Mumbai at Hospita) with Wife, Kids and Nurse beside him.
Man to Eldest son : You take the 15 Bungalows at Borivali.
To daughter : You take the 8 bungalows at Juhu.
To youngest son : You are my youngest and most dearest and I want your future to be bright, so you keep the 20 offices at Nariman Point.
To wife : Dear Kavita, you keep all 11 of our Lokhandwala building flats.
Nurse - quite impressed -
To wife : wow...You are lucky to have such a husband who is so rich and giving you all the properties etc.
Wife: What properties, what rich ... he's distributing out responsibilities of delivring Milk to his clients in the morning
Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support : “What does it say?”
Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
01. Man tells his friend: My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter.
02. Hi, my name is Sangeeta, married with two kids.
03. Don't laugh, otherwise I'll fall down your teeth.
04. Teacher to student: Pick up the paper and fall in dustbin.
05. Why do you keep rotating near girl's hostel.
06. Santa tells Banta: First I will marry my sister. Then my father will marry me.
07. you hang the chart there... or i will hang myself
08. My vaathiyaar introduced his two sons to me. My top son Ramesh and my bottom son Suresh.
09. You three of you, stand together separately.
10. Take 5 cm wire of any length
11. why are you looking at the monkey outside when i am standing here?
12. be quiet. Principal passed away just now
13. all of you stand in a straight circle
14. I have two daughters....both of them are girls
15. open the windows.... let the atmosphere come in
16. why are you so late? Say yes or no...
17. both of you three get out of the class