Childs Menu

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

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Involvement vs commitment

"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."

Marriage

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

Multiple personalities

Some people should consider having multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

Beer

Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up!

Open Mind

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

Men

Men are like puppies, adorable, then you take them home and they crap over everything you ever treasured.

Honors on head

"The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, they finish by loading honors on your head."