Blind date

Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.
"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."
So that night, Santa knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ..."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!"

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Nice cheeks

Santa's wife, Jeeto, got into a terrible car accident. Her face was burned terribly. The doctors couldn't use any skin on her body to graft onto her face for reconstructive surgery.
As a result, Santa offered the skin off his butt for the surgery. She had the surgery and was as beautiful after as she was before the surgery.
One night Jeeto and Santa were watching TV when she broke down crying.
"What's the matter?" Santa asked.
Jeeto said "I can't believe you did this for me."
Santa hugged her and replied, "Don't worry about it, I love you, and I'd do anything for you."
But how will I ever repay you?" she asked.
To which Santa replied, "You don't need to repay me... you wouldn't believe the satisfaction I get every time I see your mom kiss you on the cheek."

Awkward questions

Santa noticed that Banta was looking depressed, and asked what was wrong.

"Well," said Banta, "I ran afoul of one of those awkward questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home."

"What kind of question?" asked Santa.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her when she gets old, fat and wrinkly."

"That's easy," said Santa. "You just say 'Of course I will.'"

"Yeah," said Banta, "That's what I did, except I said 'Of course I DO...'"

Outside a clinic

Two Sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything. So the

other asked,”Why are you crying?”

The first one replied, “I came here for blood test.”

Second one asked, “So, are you afraid?”

First one replied, “No, not that during the blood test they cut my finger.”

Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other,

“Why are you crying?”

The other replied, “I have come for my urine test.”

Fussy Wife

Banta had been arrested and was now up before the judge.

The judge asks, "Do you admit you broke into the same clothes shop 3 times?"

"Yes," replies Banta.

"Could you please tell the court what you stole." asks the judge.

"I stole a dress, your honour," replies Banta.

"Just one dress? But you admitted to breaking in 3 times," says the judge.

"Yes I did, your honour," says Banta, "but on two of those occasions, I broke in to return the dress I took before."

"Return the dress? Why? I don't understand," says the judge.

"Because my wife Preeto didn't like the design, your honour."

The Genius MS Santa

Microsoft, as usual in short of good software professional, places an ad in all world famous news papers for a single position who would be in charge of their next operating system Windows2000. This becomes scary news as the ad says interview would be conducted by Mr. Bill Gates. Microsoft receives only three applications as the outcome, from an American, Japanese and an Indian (of course you guessed it right, no one other than Santa). They are all invited to Microsoft HQ in Seattle for the interview.
Bill gates says, "I will ask you only one question and your answer should decide your fate".
All of them prepared to face Mr. Gates eagerly wait for the question.
Bill asks, "How do we achieve Windows2000 from Windows98?"
American & Japanese are puzzled and think over it and our guy Santa smiling and dancing in his chair says "balle balle" in mind.
After a while American answers, "Fix bugs in Windows98 for smooth transitions"
Bill shouts, "Get out of here...". The poor guy runs out.
The Japanese says, "Make Windows2000 more user friendly than Windows98".
Bill Gates screams, "get the hell out of here....".
Gates looks at Santa.
Santa giggles and says: "Rename Windows98, Windows2000".
Gates says "Balle, Balle, You got the job."

Sincere condolences

Three guys - Santa, Banta and Ramta - are working on a high-rise building project. Ramta falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Santa says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Banta says, "OK, I am pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I will do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack of beer.
Santa says, "Where did you get that, Banta?"
"Ramta`s wife gave it to me."
"That is unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?"
Banta says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, You must be Ramta widow. She said, `No, I am not a widow.’ and I said, ‘Wanna bet me a six-pack?’"