America on Map

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

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Big people words

A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo-choo."

She said, "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. Use big people words." She then asked Bobby what he had done. "I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said, "Winnie the Shit."

Go Slow

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Because of the sign on the road.
Teacher: What type of sign?
Student: The sign that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”!

Late to class

One girl comes late to class.

Professor : Why r u late?
Girl : One boy was following me sir boy following girl

Professor : So,what?
Girl : That boy was walking very slowly.

Dream at night

Teacher: Last night I had a dream that I ate a huge marshmallow.

Student: And what happened next?

Teacher: I woke up in the morning and found my pillow gone!!!

School teacher message to parents

An elementary school teacher sends this note to
All parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school,
I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

Longitude and Latitude

A teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose

I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15

minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

Punishment

A student is talking to his teacher.

Student: "Would you punish me for something I didn`t do?"
Teacher:" Of course not."
Student: "Good, because I haven't done my homework."