A boy comes home after school. His granny asks him: 'Well, tell me Jimmy, in what activities have you been engaged today?'
'Granny, you won't believe it! In chemistry class we've conducted experiments with explosives.'
'Oh, and what are you doing tomorrow at school?'
'At what school, granny?'
Paul, late for an important meeting, was searching desperately for a parking spot in a parking lot. Looking up to the heaven’s he entreated “God if you find me a parking spot, I promise to start going to church again.” The words were barely out of his mouth, when a spot opened up right in front of his car.Paul looked back up, “never mind I found one.”
Bob had been shopping downtown all day with his wife and four little children. They were all so tired, he decided to take a taxicab home.
Approaching a cab driver, he demanded, “How much will you charge to drive us to the Bronx?”
“I figure $5 apiece for you and your wife,” said the driver. “I’ll take the four kids along for nothing.”
Bob turned to his children and said, “Jump in kids, and have a nice ride home. Momma and I will take the subway.”
Over breakfast, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.”
“Of course I do,” he answered, as if offended, and left for the office.
At 10:00 a.m., a dozen red roses arrived at the house. At 1:00 p.m., a two-pound box of chocolates was delivered. The designer dress arrived at 3:00.
When her husband came home, the woman ran to meet him and threw her arms around his neck, “I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”.
The ad in the local newspaper read: “Purebred Police Dog $25.”
Thinking that to be a great bargain, Mrs. Jones ordered the dog to be delivered.
The next day a van pulled up and left her the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.
In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad. “What do you mean by calling that
mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?”
“Don’t be deceived by his looks, Ma’am,” he replied. “He works undercover.”
A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he asks.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she replies.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explains.
She looks satisfied and apologizes.
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.
When he comes to, he says, "What was that for?"
"YOUR HORSE PHONED!"
Three nature lovers went for a drive into the mountains one day to see if they could spot some bears. They wanted to take pictures of bears for their photo album. So they drove along an old dirt road until they entered the trees. As they rounded a curve, they spotted a sign that read, "BEAR LEFT."
So they turned around and went home.
Jones applied to a collections agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job.
Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us."