Funny Jokes

Hunting Trip

Three friends go out hunting. One of them is a genius, another a pretty smart guy and the last is a complete idiot.

The genius goes out hunting for a couple of hours and comes back with the HUGE buck. The other 2 friends are standing there, and they say, " wow, how did u catch that!?"

The genius replies, "Well I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and I shot it."

Still in awe the average joe goes out and comes back with a decent size buck, nothing crazy, but good sized.

He brings it back, and his 2 friends say, "Wow nice buck!" "How did U catch that"? He replies with, "well I took "the genius' “advice"; I saw the tracks followed then and shot the buck".

So the idiot says, "Well guys I guess it’s my turn, I’ll be back in a while." "Ok" they reply.

So a couple hours later the idiot comes crawling back to the camp moaning in pain with cuts, bruises, and broken bones. His friends ask, "wow what happened!?!?"

The idiot replies, “Well I took "the genius' " advice, "I saw the tracks, followed them, and got hit by a train!"

 

Stairway to laughter

A blonde, A brunette, and a red-head all died in a car crash, and they all went to heaven at the same time.

They arrive at the gates of heaven, when God appears and tells them they must pass a laughter test, if they fail, they will be sent to hell.

The objective was to climb 100 stairs without laughing. Each stair will have it's own joke.

The Brunette goes first, and laughs at the 46th stair.

The Red-Head goes second, and laughs at the 77th stair.

The Blonde, makes all the way to the 100th step, when she suddenly bursts out with laughter.

God asks "Why are you laughing now?"

The Blonde says "I just got the first joke!".
 

Devil in the Hell

A man in Hell asked Devil.

Can I make a call to my wife?

After making a call he asked how much to pay.

Devil: Nothing, Hell to Hell is Free.

 

Shadey Git

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.

They then get to meet their maker and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line the last guy in the line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:

"Make 'em all ugly again".

Survey of book

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman,

"Which book has helped you most in your life?"

The woman replied - "My husband's cheque book."

 

Desert and Genie

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

A second language

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!”

The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language

 

A person on his death bed

A person on his death bed (in Mumbai at Hospita) with Wife, Kids and Nurse beside him.

Man to Eldest son : You take the 15 Bungalows at Borivali.

To daughter : You take the 8 bungalows at Juhu.

To youngest son : You are my youngest and most dearest and I want your future to be bright, so you keep the 20 offices at Nariman Point.

To wife : Dear Kavita, you keep all 11 of our Lokhandwala building flats.

Nurse - quite impressed -
To wife : wow...You are lucky to have such a husband who is so rich and giving you all the properties etc.

Wife: What properties, what rich ... he's distributing out responsibilities of delivring Milk to his clients in the morning