Funny Jokes

Funny Jokes

Neighbour

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

Bank Account

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let's start from your bank account.

 

Idiot

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No

 

Chicken

Mrs. Peterson went to the doctor: “I’m terribly worried about my boy. He thinks he’s a chicken.”
The doctor asked, “And how long has this been going on?”
“Almost a year,” Mrs. Peterson replied.
“Well for goodness sakes! Why didn’t you bring him to see me sooner?”
“Because we needed the eggs!”

 

Railway

Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.

The New Maid

A guy dials home from work.  A strange woman answers.
 
The guy says, "Who is this?"
 
"This is the maid." answered the woman.
 
"We don't have a maid!"
 
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
 
"Well, this is her husband.  Is she there?"
 
"Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
 
The guy is fuming.  He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
 
"Sure, what do I have to do?"
 
"Get the shotgun out of the hall closet, go upstairs and shoot that unfaithful witch and the jerk she's with."
 
The maid puts down the phone.  The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots.
 
The maid comes back to the phone.  "What should I do with the bodies?"
 
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"
 
"What pool?"
 
"Uh...is this 555-4821?"

Doctor And An Engineer

Once a DOCTOR and an ENGINEER entered a chocolate store...

As they were busy looking around, doctor stole 3 chocolate bars...

As they left the store, doctor said to Engineer : "Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can't beat that"

Engineer replied: "You wanna see something better? Let's go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing"

So they went to the counter and Engineer said to the Shop boy: "Do you wanna see magic..?"

The Shop boy replied: "Yes...!!!"

Engineer said: "Give me one chocolate bar!"

The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it... He asked for the second, and he ate that as well.. He asked for the third, and finished that one too...

The shop boy asked: "But where's the magic..?"

Engineer replied: "Check in my friend's pocket, and you'll find them...!"

Beautiful

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"